A tortoise caper

Stupid link button… Sorry all.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-20728535

Not the exact tortoise, but a baby Russian tortoise.

 

A pet store owner in Northern Ireland sent out a desperate appeal to the three men who came into his pet shop and stole the Russian tortoise that was on display, stating that the tortoise is just a baby and is not yet old enough to know how to hibernate, and he needs to be kept under a UV light in a very warm cage with plenty of water and leafy greens, flowers, and vegetables for food. Stephen Hanna, the pet shop owner, felt silly calling the police, but is very concerned for the tortoise’s wellbeing. It’s a very rare and friendly tortoise, and needs to be well taken care of. Mr. Hanna says that Russian tortoises can be sold for about 100 pounds, but really doesn’t care about the price of the tortoise. Mr. Hanna was talking to some regular customers when the three men came in, speaking in broken English accents. They must have gone to the back of the shop and stuffed the tortoise in one of their pockets and left, because when Mr. Hanna was on his way to the back room, he reports that he saw the flap to the tortoise’s cage open and the tortoise gone.

 

I now believe in the death penalty, because no one should steal such a cute tortoise. The shop owner really just wants to make sure the tortoise is being taken care of, which I think is really sweet of him. He just cares about the life of an innocent tortoise. I wonder what’s going through the tortoise’s head right now. I hope he isn’t scared or in pain… I care about most animals more than humans. The little guy could be anywhere right now, scared or alone, or with three weirdos who are dirty tortoise thieves. I hope they are caught and given a really heavy shell to carry around for 75 years, because that’s how long Russian tortoises live.

KAAAAHHHHHNNNNNN

I really don’t know why the link button isn’t working… But I guess you’ll have to copy-paste again. Sorry.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-20013244

My father is a trekkie, but I don’t think he could ever get my mom to do their wedding in Klingon. Josefin Sockertopp, 23, and Sonnie Gustavsson, 29 seriously had their wedding at the first Star Trek convention in London for ten years. It is thought to be the UK’s first Klingon wedding. Their wedding cake was a three-tiered Borg Ship. Yes. Three cubes. Mrs. Sockertopp said that it took a while for Mr. Gustavsson to convince her to do the ceremony in Klingon, but decided to go through with it after some discussion. They had their ceremony dressed in full-on Klingon attire, fake nose pieces and hair and everything. They had the drums play the entire time, and they swore to unite against “all their opponents” and finished the ceremony with a traditional Klingon battle cry, which symbolizes honor, life, and success.

 

Oh my god, people really do this stuff. What did the bride’s mother think? My mom would kill me if I tried to walk down the aisle in a Star Trek cosplay. And the cake? Who agreed to make that? They gotta make my wedding cake too. That’s freaking awesome. But I think I would have made it a dead Ramulen. People have themed weddings all the time, but how did they find a priest or justice of the peace to do the ceremony in Klingon? I don’t think that’s a mandatory class in clerical or law school. Although maybe it should be. I bet everyone thought that Mr. Gustavsson would never get married. And now the nerds shall reproduce, and the world shall be a better place. ALL SHALL BOW IN THE NERDY GLORY OF THE GUSTAVSSON’S WEDDING. ALL SHALL BOW. ALL OTHERS SHALL PERISH.

 

KAAHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!

He was the hero not that Newport deserved… but the one that Newport needed.

For some reason I can’t get the link to be all link-afied. So just copy paste it. It’s not hard, I promise.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/9742744/Is-it-a-bird-Is-it-a-plane-No-its-the-Newport-vigilante-ninja.html

At one point, we have all have wanted to be a superhero. But 21 year old Tanis Baker of Newport, Wales did it. He made himself a ninja costume and a wooden samurai sword and took to the streets, telling thugs to get going and scaring off underage drinkers and smokers from his area. He was often seen running from building to building, ally to ally, in his ninja suit ready to fight off crime. However one day a cop saw him and his sword, and called in for back up thinking it was an actual sword. Baker ran from the cops, hiding in a bush at a nearby children’s park. After being hauled in, the cops noted he was just trying to help and didn’t mean to frighten anyone. He had been bullied in school, and last year was mugged by some thugs hanging around in his neighborhood. Since then he was keen to help the police in any way possible. However, the surrounding neighbors were not so pleased that he had been patrolling the neighborhood. One neighbor commented, “He was running across it and doing roly-polys. He’s been watching too many films.”.

 

I think his neighbors are just jerks. He just wanted to help, and sometimes cops don’t get the job done. He hadn’t hurt anyone; he just took alcohol off some school kids and got rid of some thugs by throwing smoke grenades at their feet. He did flee from the fuzz, but whatever. He had been doing good in the community, it makes me mad that his neighbors were making fun of him for wearing a ninja suit. I want to be a ninja, too. And anyone who makes fun of me is gonna get a round-house to the face. Chuck Norris checks under his bed at night for me. BAM.

“…and this is my grenade!”

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newsvideo/weirdnewsvideo/9723546/Australian-school-evacuated-after-pupil-brings-hand-grenade-to-show-and-tell.html

 

Remember show and tell? I always brought in my cat. He’d bite and claw everyone but me. I felt special that my cat hated everyone but me (and still does). An eleven year old in Australia decided to bring in a grenade to her morning class and show it off. It had no firing pin, so the girl figured it was inactive or a fake for practice. The teacher, shocked by her item, brought it to the principal of the catholic school and the principal called the bomb squad, which evacuated the school and took the grenade in for examination. I can’t find any articles that say wither or not it was real, so I’m going to assume it was just a practice grenade. The girl, whose name hasn’t been released, is reported to be “bewildered and embarrassed.”

 

I’d hope she’s embarrassed. She brought a grenade to show and tell. If you did that in the U.S, even if you were eleven, you’d be expelled, even if you were at a private school. Then the cops would be told, and you’d have a record and a lot of counseling. I think it’s pretty cool that she’s getting off with just a pat on the back. She just brought it to show the class. It’s not like she’s a crazy kid who wanted to blow up the school. She just wanted to bring in something unique and cool, and she doesn’t deserve to be punished like she would be here. It was a misunderstanding. Here, you can’t bring in a squirt gun without being screamed at. I hope she can look back at this and laugh.

Just out of curiosity though, why did the bomb squad evacuate the school? Why didn’t they just take the grenade out of the school and let everyone go about their class? Wouldn’t that be easier?

…Insert witty title here…

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-sussex-20712385

Frederick Saunders a terminal cancer patient was arrested after officials found the body of his wife, Mary, in suspicion of her killing. BBC was kind enough to leave out where the body was found and what Mrs. Saunders died of, but people are saying it was a “mercy killing”. What mercy is there? Mrs. Saunders wasn’t the one who had terminal cancer, so why did she die? Mr. Saunders died a day or two after his arrest of his cancer. The family and neighbors of the Saunders family is shocked that the couple had met such a ‘tragic’ end.

Exactly what constitutes a mercy killing? I wouldn’t say being killed by your husband of 52 years is very merciful… But maybe that’s just me. The definition of mercy killing leads to the definition of euthanasia, which is “The act or practice of ending the life of an individual suffering from a terminal illness or an incurable condition, as by lethal injection or the suspension of extraordinary medical treatment”. Euthanasia literally means in Greek, “A good death”. However, there’s no indication of how she died, so I can’t be sure if it was exactly merciful at all. Also, Mrs. Saunders had no incurable condition or terminal illness. I guess it doesn’t really matter, because they’re both dead now. So what’s done is done. A court in west Sussex opened the cases of the deaths and dismissed them both, so I guess officials aren’t going to do anything else. If Mrs. Saunders was killed by someone else though, I bet that person is pretty happy. They got off scott-free, and everything red tape related is done. And if the family and friends of Mrs. And Mr. Saunders don’t have any suspicions, I guess he’s free to go.

Here, let me ruin the sacrament of marriage for you.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-20677642

Everyone is making a big hairy deal about this whole 12/12/12 thing. But people wanting to get married on it? Really? Can’t remember another date, so you have to pick a repetitive one? 14 couples were married on Wednesday, which is three times more than usual in Barnet, England. Some couples are insisting that the date is important to their relationship. Joeh and Ginny Chan met at a friend’s party on the 12th of that month, on the 12th floor of the apartment building. So apparently, if they don’t get married on 12/12/12, it’s a crime against nature. In fact, Mr. Chan was going to propose to Mrs. Chan on 12/12 of 2010, but she was sick. So he waited a year until 12/12/11. I can’t tell if that’s cool or super lame. I’m leaning towards super lame. My friend is in college right now to be a wedding planner, so I know that 14 weddings in one day is pretty crazy for a single venue.

If your fiancé wont marry you unless it’s on a specific day (unless it’s for tradition or something), you might end up having trouble later on in the relationship. Like maybe, dates are just numbers. If the date of your wedding is that important, maybe you should think about why you’re getting married in the first place. If it’s to have an anniversary on a certain day, it might not be for the correct reason. Just saying. Anniversaries are important. But not really. If you really keep such close track on how long you’ve been married, you might as well mark the wall for everyday you’ve been married like in a prison cell. Marriage really is the last legal form of slavery. Maybe instead of celebrating how long you’ve been tied down, you should celebrate how close you are. Or maybe how long it’s been since you’ve had something truly worth celebrating so you decided to go with an anniversary. If you want to celebrate something, have a freaking kid. It’s the miracle of life.

Worst Fishing Trip Ever.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/siberian-cannibals-two-men-lost-1474469

Four men set out on a fishing trip in Siberia, and become lost. For three full months they had no food and had to survive in -30 C weather. Two of the four men were found alive, and one body found, which was extremely mutilated. There were clear cuts, suggesting it wasn’t an animal’s work. Also next to the body there was a bloody wooden stake and a bloody jacket. The body was too mutilated to determine if it was Viktor Komarov, 47, or Andrei Kurochkin, 44. Officials worry that there is a possibility that the survivors Alexander Abdullaev, 37, and Alexei Gradulenko, 35, killed and ate their friends purely out of hunger. One of the bodies wasn’t found. Both survivors deny having killed and eaten their friends, and claimed they left the two at a deserted gold digger’s hut while they searched for help. There have been no charges or arrests, just speculation.

How hungry would you have to be to eat one of your friends? How would you even go about doing it? They clearly didn’t have any luck fishing if they ate one or possibly two of their friends. I wonder if it was like the Blair Witch Project, where the one went crazy and threw out the map. How would you charge someone with cannibalism? Technically they didn’t have much of another choice, and animals eat other animals in the wild. So what other choice did they have? I don’t know what kind of area they were stranded in, there may have been other food sources. Like fish. Didn’t they already have fishing equipment? It was a fishing trip. Maybe they should have just fished… Or be better at fishing. Just curious… If they did eat their friend, did they cook him?